Saturday, 15 November 2014

Where Am I?...

The Village. No, not really, but last weekend it certainly felt like it. I was on the Isle of Man working for the day job, watching fireworks, observing middle-aged women stampede in an M&S food hall, perusing the local sights, strolling along the promenade, indulging in the hotel facilities, and finding time to visit the museum.

But that is not the point of this blog. Where am I? What am I doing? Am I there? Hello? Stop hiding! Are some of the phrases that have landed in my inbox and on my phone after the last several weeks, and I’m sorry to say most of them have been met with silence. I am not there. I am not online much at all. In fact, for quite a while now I have been living in a zombie-like state bounced between working, being ill, travelling, mini-breaks, sleeping, eating, and more working, with no time, energy or desire for anything else in between.

My apartment is strewn with clothes and suitcases and half-finished tasks. My NaNoWriMo target is slipping farther and farther away by the day. I am unwell. Exhausted. Fed up of feeing unwell and exhausted. I am irritable and irritated. Sad. Surviving on caffeine and tasteless food. I’ve gone off green tea, for fantasy’s sake! 

Thus I know I am not right. I am not myself.

So forgive the silence and instead enjoy this whistle-stop glimpse into my life over the last couple of weeks, safe in the knowledge that I will get back to you as soon as I am able.

Drag yourself up to get back to the day job
Work eat sleep work work work
Carve a pumpkin
Work work work
Collapse into bed
Panic. It’s November which means NaNoWriMo
Last minute panic planning
Write with a lot of coffee
Idiotically decide to have a sober November because one challenge at a time is not enough
Collapse into bed
Drag yourself up for the day job
Work work work
A Care Bear onesie looks appealing – yes, you are that tired
Work some more
No Alcohol
Lifts are both out of order in a high rise building! 
Walk downstairs round and round and round and round and...
So tired by now you can barely finish your sentences
Go to the doctors
Ill enough for the drugs
Head for the airport
Wait wait wait
Cancelled plane!
Queue and queue and queue
Coach to Manchester
Crash on the M6
Painful journey
Fellow passengers are jabbering morons
No alcohol!
Don’t sleep
Early morning flight
Wait and wait and wait
Shop duty free
No alcohol
Great place, sun shining, amazing hotel room
Oh yeah, have to go out and work
Want to sleep
Fireworks on the beach! Wonderful
So tired
Room service and sleep
You're not well enough to swim
Delayed flight
No alcohol!
Home sweet home
Drag yourself up for the day job
Struggle through
Chest X-ray
Wait for results
Waiting working waiting working
Win a gingerbread house!
Remember life is not all bad
NaNo target: minus £18k and counting
Failure is on the horizon
Accept it, they say
You can’t do everything
Especially if you’re unwell
Try to rest
Plenty of time yet to catch up
And if you never do, then you never do
15 days without a drop of alcohol
15 days of coughing and fever
15 days of beyond tiredness
15 days of barely writing
15 days of a busy life
This is my November
I must rest and get better.

Elloise Hopkins.

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