here – in 2011 and again in 2013, and in both years I successfully ‘won’ the challenge; that is I did write 50,000 words in both Novembers boosting both my word counts and motivation level.
This year I have been trying to decide whether to take part for weeks and still, just days before the start, have not 100% committed to the idea, although this gorgeous banner is doing its very best to firm up my desire to win once again.
And there you have it, that little word ‘win’ is why I have been reluctant to say “hell, yes, I’m doing it again!”
I have so much going on at the moment. I’m still working a full time job which places some demands on my ‘spare’ time, I’m still attempting to grasp onto some skeleton of a social life, still reviewing books and of course reading other books that I’m not reviewing but love anyway, still trying to get a literary agent, still trying to finish writing my trilogy, and more immediately am still trying to recover from illness that has wiped me out for the last several weeks as well as from a year that has seriously dented my motivation and desire to do anything other than sleep.
All of that combined is making me doubt that I have the energy to fully throw myself into the challenge and come out victor once again.
It’s the taking part that counts, right? Maybe for some. But for me I think a failure, i.e. another disappointment in 2014, is going to be too much to take. I could attempt it, and write some words, and not hit the target but have achieved something… but I could do that anytime. It wouldn’t be remarkable. It wouldn’t have been a challenge. For me, the goal, the 50,000 words written, is the only reason to get in the game.
So the question that is cantering through my mind on a daily basis is: What is going to make me feel worse? Forcing myself through NaNoWriMo and coming out of it perhaps exhausted but with another 50,000 words of fiction on my tally chart, or not taking part and continuing my day job + recovery + reading + reviewing + agent submissions marathon that is my daily life and churn out the same number of words over the next four months instead?
Four days left to decide.
I think I know which option is going to win out, and if I’m right then I’ll see you on the other side and you’d better have that elixir of life waiting because there will be some serious restoration needed at the end of it.
Failure is not always an option.